A page of numbers, so emo.

Posted by Raeanne Pemberton on

Here's a shot of my training log from today's shiny new meet PR's and attempts. I'd love to just leave it at that, but it leaves so much out. It leaves out the entire story. We see these shiny PR numbers and think "Wow, someday I'd like to be like him/her..." and we aren't seeing the whole tape played through, we're only given a glimpse into the celebratory moments, not always knowing of the struggles. I'd love to know the back stories of so many victories. We all have them...

I'd love for you to just "know" me by this page but it leaves out so much.

It leaves out how in 2009 I was nearly 260 lbs, pre diabetic, with hypertension.

It leaves out how I lost 100 lbs the "healthy way" (ha!) counting calories obsessively for a year, eventually eating just 1300 calories per day.

It leaves out how I binge ate, and starved, and literally ran myself down to 140 lbs.

It doesn't tell you how I would workout twice a day just to "earn" my food which I chose with orthorexic tendencies.

It overlooks that I damaged my body and brain and became very sick, with thinning hair and a nasty case of shingles for over a month.

This page of numbers forgets how I found Crossfit on a whim Thanksgiving weekend, November 2011, and started to own my body.

It misses those 350+ WODS, the blood, sweat, tears, callouses, and three years of open workouts.

This page of today's lifts forgets my first 95# squat PR, my struggle to bench 65#, or deadlift over 150#, and the first time I did a pullup.

It doesn't remind me of how I gained back 50 lbs over the course of 4 years... and how I'm not mad about it.

This page leaves out how I gave myself Rhabdomyolosys overdoing powerlifting AND Crossfit and not knowing limits.... or balance.

This page doesn't tell you that I quit Crossfit for the urgency of my own health.

It leaves out how my first strongman competition was a total failure, but how I wanted more.

This page doesn't tell you of the multiple 4 am wakeups to train, the sacrifices with family and friends, the struggles of not wanting to train, the tears, the screams.

This training page leaves out the countless mentors I've encountered, the coaches who have taken time for me, and the online community who keeps me going everyday.

But one thing that this page does tell you, is how very far I've come. <3

Now that you know the full story, you can enjoy the velocity of these numbers....

#NeverSayNever #NeverGiveUpOnYou

Read more about my journey here.


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