A Woman's Burden

Posted by Raeanne Pemberton on

As women, we are especially susceptible to the pressures to be thin, curvy, muscular, lean, athletic, etc., etc. We are burdened with feeling as if we are "enough." More often than not, that feeling is either fulfilled or unfulfilled with our current bodyweight or bodyfat.

We allow this singular snapshot data point to describe us, define us, tell how successful we are, determine if we will have a good day or not, and if we are worthy. We allow this number to push us further down the rabbit hole of unworthiness. Eventually it can spiral so far out of control that it doesn't seem worth it to try anymore, and so we allow it to get "worse" until we feel motivated enough to make it "better." Or the opposite can be true as well. We work so hard to get "thin" and we feel great and worthy until something happens and we gain a few ounces back, and suddenly we are reminded that we were really unworthy all along.

So much energy is wasted. So much self worth and self love evaporated and overshadowed by self doubt and disorder.

If you have ever been truly overweight or what society considers "fat," then this burden is even more strong with you. Not to say that "thin" women don't feel the same pressures, because they absolutely do. But an overweight woman who is now "thin" still feels very much as that same overweight woman did.

I feel that this is a woman's burden. It's a phantom, an elephant in the room, and we have to stop letting it win. We've got to acknowledge the bullshit and put it to pasture. We have SO MUCH MORE worthwhile tasks to spend our energy on.

The mere fact that there are thousands of blogs just like this one speaks volumes. Words and words of other women trying to take back their bodies, their worth. I hope that my message speaks to you. You are enough.

Ladies. Your body is always changing. From second to second there are countless cellular functions and hormonal reactions that cause an ebb and flow to ALL measures of mass, bodyfat, or lean muscle tissue.

Your bodyweight can be manipulated. It can be bought and literally sold. For the right price, you can make your body exactly as you wish. Our bodies are changing every moment. We are not stagnant. Those numbers... are not a reflection of how GOOD or BAD you've done. Today is a microscopic moment in the grand picture.

You want to change your body? Cool. You don't? Awesome. No matter where you are, know that you won't be there tomorrow. You lost 100 lbs and are super thin and athletic now? Cool. You won't be that way tomorrow. There are always changes, nuances, hurdles, challenges, wins, losses, gains. You gained 50 lbs back? Wonderful! Tomorrow it will change. In fact, it will change in the very next moment.

I weighed 191 lbs this morning. Yesterday I weighed 193. A few weeks back I was 189. I will weigh more tonight than I did this morning. What a flipping roller coaster of emotions that would be if I allowed it to be so. But those numbers are nothing but reflections of water, salt, emotions, hormones, waste products (or not), fun nights out, and working damn hard in the gym. NONE OF WHICH I should feel guilty about. Or worthless about.

Let it dissipate. Evaporate. Let it go. You could lose 20 lbs in a week if you needed to, and are you a better person because of it? You could gain 20 lbs in a week if you chose to, are you a worse person because of it? Less pretty? Less worthy? Less successful? You know the answer.

Stop following those who have it twisted. Unfollow your triggers. Get them off your facebook, twitter, IG and mental feeds. Do not allow naysayers in your life. If a physique lifestyle is not your focus and does not match your goals, then stop watching physique athletes who make it their job to stay lean. Stop giving in to the memes about rock hard abs and defined musculature. Those are snap shots. They are no better or worse than you. They are doing nothing more than manipulating a number, cellular function, and hormonal response. Stop pretending that they are "successful" and you are not.

Stop letting such a fickle measure rule you, overcome you, decide how you feel. You are more than that. WE are more than that. Who we are is not just made up of the tangibles, but also the intangibles.

I am what my body can do, not what it is. I fight everyday to live this mantra. Some days I falter, and so will you. It's our burden to bear. But we must never stop fighting.


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